So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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