How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
