You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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