All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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