Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
