They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
