That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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