"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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