matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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