it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
