You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
