I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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