..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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