I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
