i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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