me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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