Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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