so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
