I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
