i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
