bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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