Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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