i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
