I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
