What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wish there were birth control emojis
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
