I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
