We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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