I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
