btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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