I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
