i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
