are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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