Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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