I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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