she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
