somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My feet surprised me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
