Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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