Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
