the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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