the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
