If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
