I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
