I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Welp...herpes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
