I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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