May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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