Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
