The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
