So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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