It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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