Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
