I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
